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The Clutchies
An Axe Throwing Awards Show
Philly’s Golden Globes
If you didn’t get the chance to attend the 2020 Clutchies, I feel bad for you. It was SO much fun. Fortunately, you can watch a reply of the Live Stream. This was a night full of laughs with friends starting with the premise voting on various categories and the winners receiving awards. The Philly Space put this event on. I for one would like to thank them and congratulate them on such an amazingly thought out and executed idea for the axe throwing community.
From start to finish, it did not disappoint. Categories and nominees were put together for voting. Axe throwers from the area were polled, and so it began. Originally planned to be a small event held at the Monkey Club quickly turned into something that sold out their capacity before even going on sale to the public. The Space mentioned this to me and I told them not to worry, we will get them covered. Next Stop BB&T Pavilion on the Camden Waterfront… Just not the main stage. Still not bad for a first attempt.
The Axe Throwing Nominees and Attendees
Being as The Space didn’t think anyone would even come, let alone travel for this. Everyone was from the greater Philadelphia area. Although we all throw axes at different venues on different days, there are several local events where we all get to interact with each other. Chopper’s monthly axe throwing tournament, the Turnpike Strike is one of those events. The Urban Open, Space tournaments, Choptober as well as traveling to Canada for the IATC all get us together and make the axe family and friends that much tighter.
Categorizing memories and moments. Hilarious. It was fun just filling out the questionnaire and voting. Having so many axe throwers in a small area who all know each other well, made for a LOT of great categories. Some of them included, Best Beard. Most Awkward Moment. Worst Axe thrower ever. Best Musical Moment. Most Iconic Drop (I won that one LOL). Thank you for Beating them. The Best Space Tournament Moment.
There were even games to be played at the Clutchies. The night got a little out of hand with how long some things took and they did not get to all of them, but were ready with them none the less. I believe the only two we got to were Newly wed game and Family Fued. Tony Tiger Balm earned a new nickname as Tony Tire Iron guessing that the number one thing 100 people said they would throw if axe throwing became illegal. Yes Tony, we all would pick Tire Irons to throw…
The Team That Put it All Together
A collaborative effort for sure. Uncle Willy, Mike Kump, David Cycon and of course the host, Mr Jimmy Wyatt. Beautifully done fellas! Everything from the dramatic reenactments, to production, the shirts, trophies and especially the hosting. Jimmy absolutely killed up up there. With anyone else as the host, I don’t know how it would have went. Jimmy is amazingly talented and a funny comedian. If you didn’t know, he does stand-up. He’s kind of a big deal.
Thank You guys! Seriously. You give me hope in this community that other people want to do fun things and think outside of the box. Whether it is coming up with new skills games, or coordinating Challenger Series events that help the charity partners of a tournament. They are always coming up with creative things to keep it fun AND to give the spotlight to others from time to time. As a creative person myself, I love it. They are true leaders in the community. Thanks for helping keep axe throwing something we all love and enjoy.


Photo by Sean Malvey

Photo by Sean Malvey

Photo by Sean Malvey
Complete list of Awards and winners
The “Joe Perry Crybaby” Award | Joe Perry For Every Time He’s Cried |
The “Biggest Upset” | Lisa Quinn For Beating Cycon in Big Axe |
The Best Tantrum (Non-Quitting) | Chris Cadieux For The Many Times Chris has lost his Shit |
Thank You for Beating Them | Will Gelatko For Slapping Kump Around All The Time |
Best Use of Calipers | Babe |
Best Dressed | Rob Krauss |
Best Dressed | Jules |
50th Birthday Award | Greg Anderson |
Name Pulled from Hat Award | Joe Perry |
Best Technological Advancement | Keith Gibbons For Chopper’s Livestreams |
The Best “Welcome” Moment | Handsome Dan to Jeff Cope “Welcome to Black League” Season 4 Week 1 of Wednesday Black |
Best TPS Host | No One, it’s always a shit show (Also KAK) |
Best Musical Moment | Tiny Dancer every time tiny dancer comes on |
Best Space Tournament Moment | Sean Malvey and Will Gelatko For Landing on Tea Off, first spin of Wheel of Skills |
Worst Space Tournament Moment | Everyone but Kump and Will For When you realized you payed $20 just see another Kump vs Will Finals |
Most Iconic Drop | Keith Gibbons For Tripping and dropping his computer at Choppers |
Best Potluck Contributor | Cackle Mary Because Every Weeks a pot luck |
The “Cottonwood? More Like Cottonmouth” Award | Sean Malvey |
Most Awkward Moment | Danielle Gelatko For Wishing “Good Luck” to Kump while just saying goodbye to Will |
The “What Are You Silly, I’m Just Gonna Send It” Award | Rob Knelly For His overall attitude towards life |
You Shouldn’t Even Throw Here | Vin Crescenzo |
Axe Marketeer of the Year | Vin Crescenzo |
Best Trickshot | Scootsy For Baseball Axe |
Worst Axe Thrower Ever | Ethan Buckman |
Best Attempt at a Cash Grab | The Space charging an entry fee to all those tournaments. Those fuckers just pocket the cash. |
The “Sportsmanship” Award | Mike Kump |
Worst Place to Throw | The Philly Space, for being a “cool kids club” that looks down on the rest of the community |
Worst Axescores Name | Sean M |
Best Axescores Name | Starsky N Clutch |
The Official “Throw Better” Award | Joe Perry For letting John Salera come back for one season and give him the business during Primative Thursday Finals |
Best Troll of WATL | Ethan Buckman For Talking shit for three months prior to the US Open, and then not going |
Best Troll of IATF | Mike Kump and Dave Cycon For Using Roofing hatchets at BATL Royale |
The “Imitation is the Best Form of Flattery” Award | Delco Dojo |
You Let The Whole Team Down Award | Chris Deguano For Telling his yhatzee team not to worry about the knot in the bull and then dropping on said bull. Urban Open 2019 |
Rupert T Periwinkle Memorial Award (Best Beard) | Mark Hunt |
Best Costume Design | Siggy and Krugz At Choptober 2018 Filter / No-Filter |
Best Opponent to Play | Rob Krauss |
After Party MVP | Tiny Dancer Urban Open 2018 & 2019 |
Best Tournament Moment | Grill For Beating Straun in the B Bracket Finals at Choptober 2019 |
Best Team Name | Elliot, Lorenzo, Bird Dog, Snapplegate for their team Natty by Nature |
Breakout Thrower of the Year | Grill |
Best Community Ambassador | Dave Tyger |

Co-Owner of Choppers Hatchet House
Can we have links from these awards so we can watch the magic too?
This was aired on The Philly Space’s FB Page. https://www.facebook.com/ThePhillySpace/videos/2566059627006697/